Biff Humble
Biff Humble was raised in a Las Vegas
topless bar by his dancer mother. Biff
never knew his father, although it was
rumored to be Hunter S. Thompson.
He spent most of his formative years
backstage, waxing his mother's fellow
dancers. Certain that there was more
to life than a career as a professional
depilatorist, Biff saved enough money
for the cheapest bus ticket available,
which just happened to be a
Greyhound special to a small
Midwestern town. Once there, he
decided to follow in his father’s
footsteps, and enrolled in the
journalism program at the local state
university.
It was there that Biff met James
Hitchcock, when he found himself
vomiting in the toilet next to him at a
local punk rock bar. Hitchcock was
also studying journalism, and while the
two were polar opposites in
temperament - Biff outgoing and
gregarious; James quiet and reserved-
they developed a friendship that
lasted throughout college.
After graduation they went their
separate ways, as Biff traveled to
Central America as a war
correspondent, while Hitchcock went to
work for a small town daily paper and
settled down to raise a family.
Biff became independently wealthy
when the rights to a book he wrote
detailing the clandestine programs
approved by the CIA (under a former
director who would later become
president) were purchased by a
political party and all copies of the
manuscript classified top secret.
Biff began spending his riches in
earnest, launching a career as a
fashion photographer and becoming a
regular on the New York City club
circuit. Things seemed to be going
well, until he was horribly disfigured in
a freebase cocaine explosion at a well-
known New York nightclub. Since then
he has lived as a recluse, his only
contact with the outside world through
the Internet and seedy Asian bordellos.
topless bar by his dancer mother. Biff
never knew his father, although it was
rumored to be Hunter S. Thompson.
He spent most of his formative years
backstage, waxing his mother's fellow
dancers. Certain that there was more
to life than a career as a professional
depilatorist, Biff saved enough money
for the cheapest bus ticket available,
which just happened to be a
Greyhound special to a small
Midwestern town. Once there, he
decided to follow in his father’s
footsteps, and enrolled in the
journalism program at the local state
university.
It was there that Biff met James
Hitchcock, when he found himself
vomiting in the toilet next to him at a
local punk rock bar. Hitchcock was
also studying journalism, and while the
two were polar opposites in
temperament - Biff outgoing and
gregarious; James quiet and reserved-
they developed a friendship that
lasted throughout college.
After graduation they went their
separate ways, as Biff traveled to
Central America as a war
correspondent, while Hitchcock went to
work for a small town daily paper and
settled down to raise a family.
Biff became independently wealthy
when the rights to a book he wrote
detailing the clandestine programs
approved by the CIA (under a former
director who would later become
president) were purchased by a
political party and all copies of the
manuscript classified top secret.
Biff began spending his riches in
earnest, launching a career as a
fashion photographer and becoming a
regular on the New York City club
circuit. Things seemed to be going
well, until he was horribly disfigured in
a freebase cocaine explosion at a well-
known New York nightclub. Since then
he has lived as a recluse, his only
contact with the outside world through
the Internet and seedy Asian bordellos.
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